when celibacy chooses you

the curse, the gift, the self preservation

Never in my life have I chosen celibacy. But over and over celibacy loves to choose me.

This has left me with a lot of expendable erotic energy. It has turned into one of my greatest (most frustrating) challenges in this lifetime. I have built art out of it, I have created a business out of it. I have done my best to channel it in healthy ways instead of self destructive ones.

Sometimes I just can’t deal with it. It turns into a double headed dragon scolding me for… not trying hard enough to get my needs met perhaps.

Sometimes I can’t lower my standards long enough to get laid. And I get frustrated at myself for that. I get frustrated at the men of this world for being so lacking in integrity that I’ve started seeing this is an either or kinda situation.